Under ideal circumstances, children establish the foundation of interpersonal relationships in their infancy thanks to their reliable, empathic caregivers, and this early attunement (with secure attachment) in relation to their parental figures contributes to the development of healthy worldviews and the well-integrated social circuitry centered in the mPFC, which is strongly correlated with emotional intelligence and affect regulation.

However, too many of us are not greeted and cared for by an attentive, emotionally available parental figure consistently enough to establish a healthy attuned relationship in infancy. (Think of the “still face” experiment developed by Dr. Ed Tronick.) Misattunement with insecure attachment styles in infancy and toddlerhood often negatively impacts interpersonal relationships in adulthood and impedes the maturation of an intrapersonal relationship as well. This can be explained by the underdeveloped functional connectivity of the social circuitry centered in the mPFC, which is essential for both interpersonal attunement and self-attunement. If a person cannot discern the needs and intentions of others due to a limited capacity for empathy and *theory of mind, it is unlikely that the person can make meaningful human connections. Similarly, if a person cannot understand their own needs and true intentions due to limited self-compassion and intrapersonal theory of mind, it is very unlikely for them to achieve a healthy emotional balance and feel grounded. Predictably, the person is more likely to repeat the previously discussed patterns of mis-takes until the cumulative effects of those life choices become overwhelming.

*Theory of mind is generally defined as social-cognitive skills or capacity to discern the needs and intentions of others as well as one’s internal experience and naturally involves metacognition.

Having understood that attunement in infancy and toddlerhood is essential for promoting neural integration of the social circuitry and healthy human relationships in adulthood that would enrich our lives and enhance resilience, what are the options for those of us who grew up under less-than-ideal circumstances with very few opportunities to form attuned relationships? In a way, both conventional psychotherapy and mindfulness practice provide us with a second chance to grow up by promoting both interpersonal attunement and self-attunement through the cultivation of metacognition or awareness of our internal lives.

In conventional psychotherapy, a therapist gradually forms a therapeutic alliance with a client through interactions grounded in non-judgmental, unconditional positive regard and by identifying and amplifying the strengths of the client. The therapist treats the client with respect and empathy, and by doing so, they demonstrate how the client should look at themselves inwardly at least with the same level of genuine care, and promote self-compassion and self-awareness. Through the lens of neuroscience, this process can be explained as progressive activation of the social circuitry centered in mPFC, which further promotes neural integration and supports the development of emotional intelligence.

In mindfulness meditation, practitioners can take more direct approaches to activate the same social circuitry centered in mPFC through the cultivation of metacognition. Especially in Mettā Meditation (or so-called “Lovingkindness Meditation”), we can work on parallel cultivation of interpersonal attunement (understanding others) and self-attunement (uncovering one’s self), both of which involve the neural muscles of the theory of mind and naturally deepens our compassion bidirectionally. It should be noted that it is the one-and-the-same social circuitry of the theory of mind that allows us to understand our own personhood and form meaningful relationships with others. The brain of experienced practitioners of Mettā Meditation can generate high levels of gamma-wave (Lutz et al. 2004 landmark study), which once again correlates with a higher degree of neural integration, healthy affect regulation, and a sense of well-being.

Self-attunement and Neural Integration

Conservation of Mental Energy